Thursday, April 30, 2015
I had never thought about praying a "texture" prayer....contemplating a texture of some sort and asking God what He wanted to reveal to me through that. I chose a piece of rough sawn cedar to ponder. Here is what I sensed God showing me in this texture prayer.
As it is cut initially, the cedar plank is very rough, almost splintery. To make it smooth, it needs to be sanded which reminds me of my life and how it sort of feels rough right now due to some grief over an unresolved relationship. Grief has raised the "grain" to expose some roughness in my emotions. But with time and time with God, He will sandpaper me smooth. Is the grief also the sandpaper I wonder? Is being willing to sit in the uncomfortable place also part of the sanding process? Or is God's comfort part of the sandpaper that smooths and soothes? I think it's a "bofum" which means both/and (not either/or).
Rough sawn cedar has a unique beauty to it, natural, almost bark-like. There is beauty for ashes in moving through grief. And there is beauty in the starkness of grief that shows authenticity in my emotions. even though painful.
During this season sometimes I feel flat and God feels absent. And yet I know God is present with me because He promised He would never leave me. When I turn to Him, He's there, comforting those who mourn as He promised, comforting ME. I am experiencing Him in different ways than when I'm content and happy. Without grief, I would never know Him as Comforter.
...from rough to smooth......